(Makes one 9-inch pie)
1 batch flakey crust
- 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips
- 1 can (14 ounces) coconut milk, well chilled*
- 1/4 cup powdered sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Pinch of salt
- Whipped Cream
1. Make the pie crust. Let it chill out in the fridge while you make the filling. Also, start cranking your oven up to 400°F.
2. Make the filling: You need a handheld electric mixer or a stand mixer to do this shit. Stick the bowl and the beaters in the freezer for 15 minutes. This helps make sure that your mix won't turn into a puddle while you whip it.
3. While you're letting that do its thing, melt the chocolate chips in a double boiler or in the microwave. Let it cool slightly.
4. Take the shit out of the freezer and grab the coconut milk from the fridge without shaking it up. Open the can and scoop out all the thick white cream on the top half of the can and put it in the chilled bowl. You should have about 1 cup. (Leave that clearish liquid in the can and use it for something else later. A smoothie? A prank? We don't give a fuck. You don't need that shit now.)
5. Sift the powdered sugar into the coconut cream so that there aren't any chunks. Add the vanilla. Now beat the hell out of it on medium-high. Slowly stream in the melted chocolate and the salt. Keep those beaters going until it starts looking all fluffy and delicious, about 2 minutes. Spread this all over the bottom of your pie crust in an even layer because that is the only way to do this shit.
6. Now make the whipped cream (yeah, it's almost like the same shit all over again) and spread that over the top. Let that fucker chill for at least 1 hour before serving. This pie holds up, so it's great to make the day before if you're on the ball like that and can plan shit out. Leftovers will keep for 3 to 4 days, but who the fuck has that kind of willpower?
* Put the coconut milk in the fridge the night before so you know it's cold enough.
House rules: If you want to make this fucker look extra fancy, grab a bar of chocolate and shave some off using your veggie peeler, like you're peeling a carrot. It will look classy as hell and take you all of 1 minute. Plus, extra chocolate for you. No veggie peeler? Get your shit together.