Believe it or not, the departed have a lot to say on this subject, and what they advise the living may surprise you. We attract our true love, that person who matches us perfectly, when we first become our own true love. The departed are clear that when we stop abandoning ourselves and accept, forgive, and love ourselves, just as we are, right now, we will attract that person who similarly loves and accepts us.
The following story is a perfect example of how self-love manifests as reciprocated love...
A few years ago I did a reading for a woman named Jen, whose mother came through in spirit loud and clear, communicating that she had unfinished business with her daughter. I clairaudiently heard the song "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof, followed by a flood of mental images of Jen's mother and father, happy and in love.
I said, "I'm getting a strong sense that your mother wants you to find the kind of love she shared with your dad."
"That sounds like Mom," Jen smiled. "She was always a romantic, and she worried I'd be single forever. So far she's been right. My online dating has been a disaster."
"Why is she showing me the state of Arizona?"
Jen looked at me wide-eyed. "That's where they retired. They referred to it as their 'happiest place on Earth'."
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"Mom's flashing in my mind a series of images of you in your happy place, where you're having fun and enjoying yourself independent of another person. I explained, "Spirits often pass on a message like this—instead of looking for love, focus on loving yourself first. Spend some time engaging in activities that light you up, and the Law of Attraction will do the rest. You'll attract your perfect match—someone who is also shining their own light."
As Jen considered this, her mother clearly said the name "Steve."
"Do you know a man named Steve?" I asked. "Mom is saying this is your guy."
"No," Jen shook her head in confusion.
My sense was that Steve would surface down the road. As I always do, I told Jen to file the information away for a later date.
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Fast forward three years later, Jen returned to my office for a follow-up reading. Since I'd seen her last, her father had also passed away and his spirit was alive and well, jumping up and down as Jen took a seat on my couch. He was so eager to express his joy to be reunited with his wife on the Other Side. He flashed in my mind an image of the two of them dancing in heaven.
"That's them," Jen smiled. "They always loved to dance."
"Dad is also clapping his hands, as if he's applauding or congratulating you." I paused as he downloaded me with more information. When he flashed a wedding in my mind's eye, I asked, "Are you engaged or did you get married recently?"
Upon hearing this, Jen burst into tears and quickly caught me up on the past three years. She reminded me of her mother's advice to do the work of loving herself and living her life fully, before looking for love with another person.
She'd heeded her guidance, and instead of searching for Mr. Right, she'd put her time, energy and effort toward a personal passion—training for a triathlon. The many months of training had filled her with a great sense of personal satisfaction and gratitude for her life. When she finally traveled to Arizona for the big event, she said she felt the swelling of self-love and acceptance her mother had encouraged her to find within herself.
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And then, as fate would have it, she struck up a conversation with a man in the race registration line. His introduced himself as Steve, and they immediately hit it off. They spent the entire weekend together and were inseparable from that day on.
"I had a feeling that Mom and Dad were behind our meeting," Jen said. "After all, the triathlon was in Arizona—their happy place."
The departed urge me to pass on to the living that when you forgive and accept yourself just as you are, and focus your energy on shining your brightest light forth, love will find you.
Try this: Do at least one thing every day that gives you a charge, a spark, a pop of light. Ask yourself: What activity makes me feel light, bright, and energized? What environments bring me joy and make me feel the most alive? What can I do right now to care for and love myself more?