9 Behaviors That Restrict Your Love Life

Beware of these patterns of behavior that restrict your possibilities for creating permanent loving bonds.

September 23, 2016
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What we choose to focus on determines how we feel. When we change our focus to love and connection, our problems can be solved. When we focus on our needs for love, for growth, and for contribution—on serving beyond ourselves—most emotional problems and sources of pain will disappear.

More: Why It's Important to Fall Into Like

In many ways, contribution is the human need that effectively regulates your other five needs. If you are focused on contribution, you have the Certainty of being able to contribute (there is always a way), you have Variety (contribution is always interactive), you have Significance (the commitment to contribution defines you as a rare and extraordinary human being), you have Connection (helping others always creates a spiritual bond), and you have to Grow (to contribute requires going beyond your own needs).

But at times, it's important to break through the obstacles to allow for growth and contribution. And there are several beliefs that hold us back from doing jsut that. These are what we have to watch out for:

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1. The expectations that create problems

Be careful of what you expect from a relationship. Your expectation might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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2. The theories we invent

Beware of the theories you invent to explain your relationships. Remember that we become attached to our theories no matter how inaccurate they might be.

More: 3 Things Holding You Back From Love

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3. The power of helplessness

Avoid resorting to helplessness as a source of power. It's not the kind of power that is conducive to a happy, permanent bond.

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4. The plan for our relationships

Remember that if you don't plan your relationships, someone else will.

More: 3 Stages of Love You'll Go Through With 'The One'

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5. The emotions that rule

Practice experiencing the emotions that you enjoy experiencing instead of continuing to react to people or situations that upset you.

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6. The beliefs that limit us

Don't poison yourself with negative beliefs about yourself and others.

More: How Questioning Rules Can Shift Your Life Into the Extraordinary

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7. The values that guide us

Establish as your highest values those that are consistent with happy, permanent bonds.

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8. The responsibilities we avoid

Take responsibility for your relation- ships, and remember that you can change them to what you want them to be.

More: 5 Ways to Heal a Broken Heart

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9. The blame we assign

Stop blaming everyone and everything else—your parents, your partner, your chemistry—for your problems. You have the power to choose to have the relationships you truly want.

Adapted from Relationship Breakthrough

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