1. I am going to do this today, and I am going to do it well.
2. Why does it always smell like rotten feet in this locker room?
3. Tell me I didn't forget my lock. Tell me I didn't forget my lock.
4. Well hello, elderly lady who doesn't care WHO sees her lady parts. It's nice to see you again.
5. Am I weird for not being comfortable stripping in front of other women I don't know?
6. YES. My lock.
7. I should probably write down this combination because one day I will most definitely go through random memory loss and forget it.
8. Maybe if I didn't drink so much wine, I wouldn't be worried about forgetting my lock combination.
9. Do I drink too much wine?
10. Elliptical or treadmill? Treadmill.
11. Of course I'm on a machine where the TV is fuzzy.
12. Maybe if I hit it on the side it'll fix itself.
14. Please tell me I'm not wearing the see-through leggings.
15. Why am I paying $42 for a pair of leggings I worry are see-through?
16. Bachelorette. Rerun. Hell. Yes.
17 Sorry, Christina Aguilera circa '08 wannabe, wedged sneakers are not appropriate elliptical attire.
18. Do I smell?
19. Okay, focus on the task at hand. Sprints or long run? Let's start with one mile.
20. Hello, Ryan Gosling look-alike on the row machine. You look nice today.
21. I wonder if Ryan Gosling works out in a real person gym.
22. Alright let's amp up the pace here.
23. Whoever invented the sock bun is a genius.
24. 7.0? Screw it, 7.4.
25. NO. She HAS to give him a rose!
26. Is that man behind me judging me for watching this right now?
27. Is it appropriate to get ice cream on my way home?
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28. This isn't as easy as the last time.
29. How is she running at 9.0 and looking like a gazelle?
30. Driver roll up the partition please…
31. Maybe I'll just go do 20 minutes on the elliptical instead.
32. Wahooooo ride the treadmill until it comes to a complete stop.
33. Do I have back fat?
34. Is that my fifth grade gym teacher?
35. I should really try one of those yoga classes.
36. Do not make eye contact with sketchy personal trainer. Do not make eye contact with sketchy personal trainer.
37. No, I do not want to have a complimentary fitness evaluation.
38. … although I would love one if I didn't think you were hitting on me the entire time.
39. Has anyone ever actually married someone they met at the gym?
40. Could my prince charming be here somewhere?
41. I should probably try to do some free weights.
42. This woman is lying to herself if she thinks she can do bicep curls with 40-pound dumbbells.
43. Do I smell?
44. She can. And I'm weak.
45. I'm so going to get iced coffee after this.
46. Whose iced coffee has less calories -- Dunkin' or Starbucks?
47. Hello, table of bagels and conveniently arranged tubs of cream cheese.
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48. Are they just trying to keep us fat so we keep coming?
49. This tank top itches.
50. Okay, 15 reps of these bicep curls. Let's go for 3 rounds.
51. There's no way the last person who used these wiped these down.
52. I so look like Jillian Michaels right now.
53. If I do this every day for a month will I be ripped?
54. If I do extra sets tomorrow, I can drop one today.
55. Is that man waving at me?
56. I think I've done enough here.
57. Is it like an unwritten rule of the locker room that you have to get ready to go back into society while wearing only a towel?
58. I'm ordering takeout.